Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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