He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
