she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
