i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
