He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
