I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
