apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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