Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
