It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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