so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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