I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
