But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
