Betty ford says i'm here all night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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