Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
