Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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