break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Randomize
