i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
