guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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