i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
