your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
