Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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