the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
