i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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