Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
