You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
