OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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