Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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