he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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