Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
