Will you blow on my dice?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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