i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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