So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
