New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
