sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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