he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
