we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
