Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
