If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
