I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
