I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
