im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Actions speak louder than pants.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
