I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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