I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
