I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
