also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
