There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
