I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The adults are the big ones right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
