i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
