my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
