So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
