Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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